Why Autism and ADHD Assessments Matter
From Strange Horse to Normal Zebra: A Journey of Self-Discovery
Introduction: Discovering Your True Nature
Picture this: You've spent your entire life believing you're a horse, living in a herd of horses, trying desperately to keep up with the other horses. But something always feels off. You can't quite gallop the way the others do. Your stripes—those unique patterns that make you who you are—feel like imperfections you need to hide. You wonder why running feels so different for you, why you seem to notice things the other horses ignore, why you need different things to feel safe and comfortable.
The other horses seem to move through their world with such ease, following unspoken rules you've never quite grasped. Meanwhile, you're working twice as hard just to appear normal, exhausting yourself trying to match their pace and blend into their patterns. Day after day, you push yourself to the point of exhaustion, wondering why everything that looks effortless for others requires such tremendous effort from you.
Maybe you've developed an internal voice that's become relentlessly critical: "Why can't I just figure this out like everyone else?" "What's wrong with me?" "Why am I so sensitive/scattered/intense/different?" You've carried the weight of feeling like you're failing at existing, even when you're working twice as hard as everyone around you. That voice might whisper that you're too much, or not enough, or somehow fundamentally flawed in ways that others can see but you can't quite name.
If you're reading this, you've probably spent years trying to fix yourself, to become the horse you thought you were supposed to be. Maybe you've blamed yourself for needing more recovery time after social events, for struggling with tasks that seem simple to others, for feeling overwhelmed in environments where everyone else appears comfortable. You might have developed a deep sense of shame about the very things that make you uniquely you.
The exhaustion you feel isn't just physical—it's the soul-deep weariness that comes from spending every day trying to be someone you're not. It's the mental fatigue of constantly translating between your internal experience and the external world's expectations. It's the emotional drain of feeling like you're always just slightly out of step with a dance everyone else seems to know by heart.
But what if you were never a strange or defective horse at all? What if you were always a perfectly normal zebra?
This powerful analogy, widely embraced within the neurodivergent community, captures something profound about the journey toward self-understanding. There is life-altering clarity in discovering that you are a normal zebra, not a strange horse. The relief isn't just in the knowing—it's in finally feeling allowed to stop the exhausting work of trying to be something you were never meant to be.
You can't find a community of other zebras, can't learn what makes a zebra thrive, can't discover what brings you authentic joy, if you don't know you are a zebra and that you're learning solely from horses. All those years of feeling like you were failing at the horse life make perfect sense when you realize you were actually succeeding at being an amazingly resilient zebra under incredibly challenging circumstances.
Your sensitivity isn't too much—it's how zebras process the world. Your need for routine or predictability isn't rigidity—it's how zebras create safety. Your different social patterns aren't deficits—they're zebra communication styles. The things you've been criticizing yourself for might actually be the very traits that make you beautifully, authentically you.
This is what a comprehensive autism or ADHD assessment can offer: not just a diagnosis, but a profound homecoming to yourself. Whether you're considering getting tested for ADHD as an adult or exploring the possibility of a late diagnosis autism assessment, it's about finally understanding that you weren't failing at being a horse—you were succeeding at being a zebra in a world designed for horses. And there is nothing wrong with being a zebra. There never was.
Beyond Labels: What Assessment Really Offers
When most people think about autism or ADHD assessments, they imagine a simple yes-or-no diagnostic process---either you "have it" or you don't. But comprehensive neurodivergent assessments offer something far more valuable: a detailed understanding of how your specific brain works, regardless of where you might land on diagnostic spectrums.
This is particularly important for adults seeking assessment, as many people discover that autism and ADHD can overlap significantly, creating complex presentations that don't fit neatly into traditional diagnostic categories. An adult autism diagnosis might reveal ADHD traits, or getting tested for ADHD as an adult might uncover autistic characteristics---or both conditions might be present simultaneously.
Think of it like getting a personalized user manual for your mind. Just as you might consult a field guide to understand the plants in your garden---their growing conditions, seasonal patterns, and care requirements---an assessment helps you understand your cognitive and sensory patterns, your strengths and support needs, and the conditions where you naturally thrive.
A thorough assessment doesn't just tell you whether you meet diagnostic criteria; it explores questions like:
How does your sensory system process the world differently?
What are your natural thinking patterns and problem-solving approaches?
Where do your executive functioning strengths and challenges lie?
How do you naturally regulate emotions and stress?
What communication styles feel most authentic to you?
What environments and conditions help you perform at your best?
This comprehensive understanding becomes the foundation for making informed decisions about everything from career choices to relationship dynamics to daily self-care routines.
The Hidden Cost of Not Knowing
For so many neurodivergent adults, the years before understanding have been filled with a quiet but persistent distress of being fundamentally different---and the exhausting effort to hide that difference from the world and sometimes even from themselves.
Maybe you've spent decades developing elaborate explanations for your experiences, explanations that always seemed to circle back to the same painful conclusion: that something was wrong with you. Without understanding your neurological makeup, you might have learned to tell yourself stories like:
"I'm morally deficient": I'm lazy, irresponsible, or lack willpower. Other people can just make themselves do things, but I can't seem to get it together.
"I'm fundamentally flawed": I'm antisocial, oversensitive, or just too difficult to be around. There's something about me that people find off-putting.
"I'm not smart enough": Everyone else seems to understand things I miss. I'm not organized enough, not focused enough, not capable enough.
"I'm emotionally broken": I'm too anxious, too intense, too much for people to handle. My feelings are wrong or inappropriate.
These internalized explanations become more than just thoughts---they become heavy truths you carry, adding layers of shame and self-doubt to challenges that were already difficult enough. It's like trying to tend a garden while constantly apologizing to the plants for not being the right kind of soil, never realizing that what they need isn't an apology but different growing conditions.
And here's where the system often fails you further: when you do reach out for help, you might find yourself being treated for anxiety, depression, or other mental health conditions while the underlying neurodivergence goes completely unseen. You might spend years in therapy working on "social anxiety" when what you're actually experiencing is autistic communication differences in overwhelming environments. You might be prescribed medication for depression when what you're really facing is ADHD-related executive dysfunction that's been misunderstood as laziness or lack of motivation. These misdiagnoses aren't just frustrating---they can delay real understanding and appropriate support by years or even decades.
The cruelest part is how hard you've likely been trying. You've probably developed incredible work-arounds, pushed yourself beyond reasonable limits, and achieved things that required enormous effort---only to feel like none of it counts because it was "too hard" or required "too much support." You've been holding yourself to standards that weren't designed for your neurological makeup, then wondering why you keep falling short despite your best efforts.
Obtaining a late autism or ADHD diagnosis evaluation finally provides the missing piece that makes everything else make sense. The assessment process can interrupt these harmful narratives not by dismissing your struggles, but by offering a completely different framework for understanding them. The relief many people feel upon receiving results isn't just about getting answers---it's about finally having permission to stop carrying the weight of shame for being exactly who they were always meant to be.
When You Don't Know Your True Nature
One of the most profound---and often emotional---aspects of getting an assessment is discovering just how much energy you've been spending trying to navigate the world as the wrong species entirely. Many undiagnosed neurodivergent adults have developed sophisticated survival strategies that allow them to appear successful while feeling internally chaotic, overwhelmed, or like they're barely holding everything together.
This is particularly common among adults seeking late diagnosis, as many have spent decades developing elaborate coping mechanisms that masked their underlying neurodivergence. The complexity increases when considering the ADHD and autism overlap, as traits from both conditions can interact in ways that create unique presentations.
You might recognize yourself in patterns like these:
The professional who maintains elaborate organizational systems---color-coded planners, complex reminder networks, rigid scheduling---not realizing they're working three times harder than colleagues to achieve the same results. They've built intricate scaffolding around their executive function challenges, mistaking these intensive supports for what "normal" organization looks like.
The person who forces themselves through networking events that drain them for days, pushes through overwhelming open office environments, and constantly apologizes for needing clear instructions or advance notice of changes. They've spent years believing their workplace struggles meant they were antisocial or anxious, never considering that their nervous system might simply be responding to environments designed for different neurological needs.
The individual who has achieved external success while battling constant internal exhaustion, wondering why tasks that seem effortless for others require such tremendous mental energy. They've developed remarkable work-arounds and coping strategies, but at the cost of chronic stress and self-doubt.
These aren't patterns of people who weren't trying hard enough---these are patterns of people who were trying so hard that they'd lost sight of their own needs and natural rhythms. If you're reading this and thinking, "That sounds like me," please know: your efforts haven't been invisible, and your struggles haven't been imaginary. You've been doing the best you could with the information you had.
The Ripple Effects of Understanding
Getting an accurate assessment creates ripple effects that extend far beyond the individual. When you understand your neurological makeup, you can:
Make informed accommodations: Instead of pushing through sensory overwhelm or executive dysfunction, you can proactively create supportive environments and systems.
Choose compatible paths: Career decisions, living situations, and relationship choices can be made with full knowledge of what conditions help you thrive versus what environments will be perpetually challenging.
Advocate effectively: Whether in workplace accommodations, healthcare settings, or personal relationships, you can communicate your needs clearly rather than making vague requests for "help" or "understanding."
Find your community: Connecting with others who share your neurotype can provide validation, practical strategies, and the profound relief of being understood without explanation.
Parent more effectively: Understanding your own neurodivergence can help you recognize and support neurodivergent children without repeating cycles of misunderstanding or invalidation.
Heal from internalized shame: Perhaps most importantly, accurate self-knowledge can begin to heal years of self-criticism and internalized ableism.
Quality Assessment: What to Look For
Not all assessments are created equal, and the explosion of interest in neurodivergence has led to both excellent resources and concerning shortcuts. A comprehensive assessment should be thorough, culturally responsive, and conducted by professionals who understand neurodivergence as natural diversity rather than pathology.
This is especially important for adults seeking assessment, as traditional diagnostic criteria were developed based on observations of children, primarily white boys. Getting tested for ADHD as an adult or pursuing an adult autism diagnosis requires providers who understand how these conditions present across different ages, genders, and cultural backgrounds, and who recognize the significant ADHD and autism overlap that can occur.
Comprehensive evaluations include:
Detailed developmental and family history
Assessment of current functioning across multiple life domains
Evaluation of both strengths and challenges
Consideration of how masking might affect presentation
Understanding of how neurodivergence presents differently across gender, cultural, and racial lines
Recognition of late diagnosis autism ADHD presentations
Time for questions and explanation of results
Red flags include:
Brief online assessments or questionnaire-only evaluations
Providers who dismiss adult presentations or focus only on childhood criteria
Assessors who seem uncomfortable with neurodiversity-affirming language or concepts
Evaluations that focus exclusively on deficits without acknowledging strengths
Providers who make assumptions based on stereotypes rather than individual presentation
The Assessment Process: What to Expect
A thorough neurodivergent assessment typically involves several components spread across multiple appointments. Understanding the process can help reduce anxiety and ensure you get the most from the experience.
Initial consultation: Discussion of concerns, goals, and background information. This is your opportunity to share what prompted you to seek assessment and what you hope to learn.
Comprehensive interview: Detailed exploration of developmental history, current functioning, relationships, work performance, sensory experiences, and daily life patterns. Quality assessors will ask about your internal experiences, not just observable behaviors.
Standardized assessments: Various tools designed to measure different aspects of neurological functioning. These might include cognitive assessments, attention measures, or autism-specific evaluations.
Collateral information: Some assessments include input from family members, partners, or close friends who can provide additional perspective on your presentation.
Results session: Detailed explanation of findings, diagnosis (if applicable), and recommendations for support, accommodations, or next steps.
The entire process typically takes several weeks from initial appointment to final results, though this varies by provider and complexity of presentation.
Beyond Diagnosis: The Ongoing Journey
Receiving assessment results---whether they confirm suspected neurodivergence or provide different insights---is just the beginning of an ongoing journey of self-understanding. The real value comes in how you use this knowledge to create a life that works better for your specific brain.
This might involve:
Experimenting with new strategies and supports
Grieving for the years you spent not understanding yourself
Educating family members and close friends about your neurotype
Advocating for workplace accommodations or environmental modifications
Connecting with neurodivergent communities and resources
Working with neurodiversity-affirming therapists or coaches
Continuing to learn about your neurological makeup as you encounter new situations
Remember that neurodivergence isn't static---your understanding of yourself will deepen over time, and your support needs may change as your life circumstances evolve. The assessment provides a foundation, but you'll continue building on that knowledge throughout your life.
Common Concerns and Misconceptions
Many adults hesitate to pursue assessment, often carrying concerns that run deeper than simple logistics. These worries are valid and understandable---seeking answers about your fundamental self can feel vulnerable and scary. Let's address some of the most common fears with the compassion they deserve:
"I'm too old for this to matter now." If you're thinking this, you might be carrying the belief that you've missed your chance, that the time for understanding yourself has somehow passed. But here's the truth: you deserve to understand yourself at any age. Many people report that getting assessed in their 40s, 50s, 60s, and beyond finally explained lifelong patterns and allowed them to make peace with themselves in ways they never thought possible. It's never too late to come home to yourself.
"I've managed fine without knowing, so why does it matter?" The word "managed" here might be doing a lot of heavy lifting, and this question touches on something profound: the difference between surviving and truly thriving. Yes, you've survived, accomplished things, perhaps even succeeded by external measures---but at what cost? How much energy have you spent each day just trying to appear normal? How many times have you dismissed your own needs because you thought everyone struggled the way you do?
Surviving means getting through each day, meeting basic expectations, maintaining the appearance of functioning even when it feels like you're barely holding everything together. Thriving means having energy left over after meeting your responsibilities, feeling genuinely connected to others, and experiencing life as something more than an endurance test. You deserve more than just getting by---you deserve to flourish.
"What if I'm just making excuses for being difficult/lazy/antisocial?" The fact that you're worried about this says something important about you: you care deeply about being honest with yourself and others. People who are truly making excuses don't tend to agonize about whether they're making excuses. Your struggles are real, your efforts have been real, and seeking understanding isn't about avoiding responsibility---it's about finally getting the right kind of support for your particular needs.
"I don't want to be labeled or limited by a diagnosis." This fear makes complete sense, especially if you've experienced discrimination or dismissal in the past. But here's what many people discover: understanding your neurological makeup isn't limiting---it's liberating. Instead of operating under vague, harsh labels you've given yourself ("I'm weird," "I'm too much," "I'm not good enough"), you get specific, neutral information about how your brain works. Knowledge creates options, not limitations.
"What if I don't meet diagnostic criteria but still struggle?" Your experiences and struggles are valid regardless of where you fall on diagnostic spectrums. A comprehensive assessment can provide valuable insights about your neurological makeup even if you don't meet full criteria for autism or ADHD. Many people find understanding their subclinical traits, sensory differences, or executive functioning variations just as meaningful and helpful as receiving a formal diagnosis. You don't need to meet anyone else's threshold of "neurodivergent enough" to deserve answers about your own mind.
"What if I'm wrong and there's really nothing different about me?" If this is your fear, you might be carrying the worry that seeking assessment means you're being dramatic or attention-seeking. But consider this: neurotypical people rarely spend significant time wondering if they might be autistic or have ADHD. The very fact that you're questioning suggests you've recognized patterns in yourself that deserve exploration. Trust your own observations about your experience---they matter and they're valid starting points for understanding yourself better.
The Broader Impact: Building Understanding
When you pursue neurodivergent assessment, you're not just helping yourself---you're contributing to broader understanding and acceptance of neurological diversity. Each person who seeks assessment and shares their experience helps break down stigma, educates their communities, and creates more inclusive environments for future generations.
Your journey toward self-understanding can inspire family members, friends, and colleagues to examine their own assumptions about "normal" behavior and communication. It can help other neurodivergent people recognize themselves and seek their own answers. It can contribute to workplaces and schools becoming more inclusive and accommodating.
Moving Forward: The Gift of Self-Knowledge
In our opening analogy, we talked about finally realizing you weren't a broken horse but a perfectly normal zebra. But perhaps an even deeper truth is this: assessment helps you realize you haven't been failing at all---you've been expertly surviving in an environment designed for a different species, developing remarkable adaptations that few fully appreciate. You weren't failing at being a horse; you were succeeding at being a zebra under incredibly challenging circumstances.
Understanding your neurodivergence doesn't change who you are---it reveals who you've always been, beneath all the layers of accommodation and masking and trying so hard to fit into spaces that weren't designed for you. It doesn't lower expectations; it personalizes them in ways that actually make achievement more sustainable and authentic. It doesn't limit your potential; it helps you access it through doors that were always meant for you.
The assessment process can be the beginning of the most compassionate relationship you've ever had---the one with yourself. It's a relationship based on understanding rather than criticism, on accommodation rather than force, on acceptance rather than endless self-improvement projects that were never meant to work for your particular brain.
You've been working so hard for so long, often without recognition, often without understanding why things that seemed simple for others required such tremendous effort from you. You've developed resilience and creativity and problem-solving skills that are remarkable, even if no one---including yourself---has fully appreciated them. You've kept going when things were confusing and difficult and isolating. That persistence, that strength, that refusal to give up on yourself---those aren't consolation prizes. They're evidence of exactly how capable and valuable you are.
If you've been wondering whether you might be autistic or have ADHD, if you've been carrying questions about why your experience of life seems so different from what you see around you, or if you're simply tired of not understanding your own mind---please know that seeking assessment isn't an admission of brokenness. It's an act of self-compassion. It's choosing to treat yourself with the same curiosity and care you'd offer a good friend who was trying to understand something important about themselves.
You deserve to understand your true nature. It always has been yours. The only question is whether you're ready to stop apologizing for being a zebra and start appreciating the unique and remarkable creature you've always been.
You deserve to understand yourself. You deserve to have your struggles make sense. You deserve to discover not just what's been difficult, but what's been beautiful and valuable about the way your mind works. You deserve to come home to yourself.
As both a neurodivergent individual and an LPCC specializing in neurodiversity-affirming therapy, I understand the journey toward self-understanding from both sides---the vulnerability of seeking answers about your own mind, and the profound relief that comes with finally having those answers make sense of a lifetime of experiences. My practice includes comprehensive assessments for adults who are ready to understand their neurotype, including those seeking an adult autism diagnosis, getting tested for ADHD as an adult, or exploring the complex presentations that can occur with late diagnosis autism ADHD and the significant overlap between these conditions. Whether you're just beginning to wonder about your neurological makeup, or you're ready to take the brave step toward formal evaluation, please know that you don't have to walk this path alone. I'm here to support you on this important journey toward authentic self-knowledge, self-compassion, and the deep peace that comes with finally understanding yourself. If you're ready to explore whether assessment might be right for you, I offer free 15-minute consultations to discuss your questions and concerns.